2024 UPDATE – After 7 years and a tragic event in my area, read my update at the end of this post

Free-Range Kids… is it for you?

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Honestly, I am glad I saw this book.

Most moms today are very hesitant to allow their kids to walk to the corner store by themselves, ride their bikes around the block by themselves, or head to the park by themselves, and I wasn’t any different. I mean, how often do we hear about an Amber Alert or even get a notification of one? It is enough to make parents panic!

What are the Facts?

How can we not be in fear when we hear the details of those cases that make the media, knowing that many don’t? With the increased “around the clock” media we now perpetually worry about child abduction and so we have decided that the outside is not an ok place for our children, but is that really true? What are the facts?

While we often say missing children, it should be noted that missing children and abducted children can mean different things. Children can run away from home or get lost and become missing children. Child abduction is something different, here a child has actually been taken by someone and is also missing.

The Department of Justice states that about 460,000 children go missing every year in the United States, but the minimum requirement to be considered a missing child is the following…

• the person needs to be under 18 or considered in the category of Critical Young Adult (age 18-20)
• they need to be missing from their parent, guardian, or caretaker for one hour

This means some of those 460,000 are simply children who went to a neighbor’s house, their parents couldn’t find them, understandably panicked, and called the police. 

The DOJ has also stated that out of the 460,000 missing children, only 105 of them are stereotypical kidnappings. In fact, according to Missingkids.org, the breakdown of the 460,000 missing children looks like…

• 90.7% Runaways
• 4% Family Abductions
• 4% Critically Missing Young Adults (ages 18-20 and are on the list due to a situation or special need of individual)
• 1% Lost, Injured, or Otherwise Missing
• 0.3% Non-Family or Stranger Abduction

However, when children do go missing the media reports the phrase 460,000 missing children, and this causes the average American to wonder if there is an increase in child abductions.

The answer is… there is not!

The FBI has reported that missing children’s cases have fallen 40% in the years between 1997-2014 and studies that are coming out show that it is continuing to fall. In fact, general crime rates are much lower than they were in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, and while we often think of small children being abducted, the most common victims are ages 12-17.

Sadly, these facts show that crimes against children do exist and as parents (or everyone because it takes a village) we need to be aware of that, however, these facts also show that crimes against children are nowhere near as common as they are being reported.

One crime against one child is one too many! These numbers are not meant to say that crimes against children do not happen because they do, but they are meant to show that it is not the epidemic that is being reported.

Reading Free Range Kids

Honestly until very recently, I was too scared to even let my kids play outside in our front yard by themselves. The thought of letting my children enjoy the childhood I had, one where I rode my bike everywhere by myself, walked to our local corner store for candy and played around the neighborhood for hours by myself, was a terrifying thought. It seemed I was not alone in this, all moms that I knew were like-minded, and so this was the norm, but I always had a little voice in the back of my mind that knew I was doing my kids a great injustice.

My goal is to raise kids who can handle themselves, who don’t need me for every little thing, and who feel safe in the real world, so when I found the book Free-Range Kids, I was excited to read it. The book goes into depth on why most parents are afraid based on myths and rarities that occur less than winning the lottery and getting struck by lightning… on the same day. I recommend every parent reading this book, even if the idea of having a child that has more freedom scares you, this book has some great information.

Of course, the book isn’t without controversy.

• The author, Lenore Skenazy, got a lot of flack for allowing her 9-year-old son to ride home on the New York subway alone, giving him just tokens and a map. Many called her irresponsible and even a “bad” parent, questioning her parenting advice.
• The book also fails to discuss that there are locations that are safer than others and that there is a big difference between a small rural city and some of the neighborhoods in Chicago.
• Being from the United States, this book is written through the eyes of an American author, which is something she has been criticized for. 

It should be noted that parents need to use common sense. Walking to the corner store in my town versus Los Angeles could be a completely different scenario and the statistics of the United States are not the statistics of Columbia, Nigeria, Germany, or China (I just picked random countries). The author is merely stating that a generation of parents might be making decisions based on skewed information and tactical media coverage.

I also think the last point above is a bit ridiculous. While the author is American, it is clear she is writing about conditions in the United States. I would not expect a parent from France to write a book like this that would apply to the United States. If I read that book, which is a little niche (as is Free-range Kids) it might cause me to look into the statistics of my country… I would not expect a French author, writing about France, to cater to me.

What I Have Learned

• Free-Range children are children that can live life much like those of the 80s and earlier. They can ride their bikes around the neighborhoods and be able to experience some independence without constant parental supervision.
• I have learned that as a parent I need to realize dangers are present and real, however, I also learned that I need to do research and not get caught up in sensationalized media reporting. 
• I now understand that my kids are capable of more than I thought and that they can be trusted to follow the rules my husband and I set.
• Children, like adults, learn through experiences and they need to be given a chance to live those experiences (within reason).
• I learned to talk to my kids about dangers without making them scared of the world around them.
• Most importantly, I have learned that having kids outdoors and unaccompanied doesn’t equate to being unsafe. This was a slow process and is still evolving.

Putting This New Way of Thinking Into Practice

My husband and I sat down with the kids, who are 7, 8, and 9, and explained the dangers… people driving too fast, people texting and driving, people acting weird or funny, and the like. They also know that rarely a child is taken and bad things do happen, we didn’t hide that point either.

We also went on to give a set of rules that had to be followed… staying together, crossing at the corners, NEVER going with someone they don’t know or that isn’t on the list of approved people, they are to always let us know where they are, and lastly… and this one might bring me some hate…  but we let them know it is OK to talk to strangers.

Strangers aren’t bad, I see little old ladies talking to kids in the stores only to have those kids ignore them or say they can’t talk to strangers, and if something is wrong with your child, they might be afraid to get help because they don’t want to get in trouble for talking to a stranger. We instead explained that if they are in trouble, they should find a police/fireman, a parent, or even another kid to bring into the situation, this is of course if getting to us is, for some reason, out of the question. Truth is most people want to help and telling your child strangers are bad is closing them off from humanity.